If you’ve ever been in a romantic relationship and found yourself consistently making sacrifices and doing things you don’t want to do, you may be dealing with codependency.
It isn’t uncommon for people in romantic relationships to sacrifice their own needs and desires for their partner’s. Many people in romantic relationships sacrifice their own hobbies and interests so they can spend more time with their significant other.
The root of codependency lies in trying to please others, especially those we love. The goal of being codependent is to be loved and accepted, so you become whatever someone else needs you to be.
Codependency often begins in childhood, when someone needs to please a parent or caregiver so they can receive love and attention. Codependent people use their emotions, time, money and energy to meet other people’s needs so they, in turn, feel loved.
Since co-dependency is a continuum, it can be hard to spot. Read through the following statements. How many of these ring true for you? The more that are true, the more you be struggling with codependency.
Are you codependent?
- People-pleasing is second nature for you.
- When it comes to relationships, you feel a lot of pressure to meet your partner’s needs and make them happy.
- You constantly seek approval and feel unsettled when you don’t get it.
- You have a hard time setting boundaries.
- You feel like you have to be in constant contact with certain people if you don’t want to be.
- You might feel like no matter what you do, you can’t get ahead.
- You feel responsible for others.
- You’re drawn to needy people.
- You often feel used, taken advantage of or like you’re giving, giving, giving.
- You might feel like everything you do is wrong and that other people are constantly unhappy with you.
- Saying no feels SO HARD.
- You go out of your way to make others happy.
- You might feel like you need to do more and go above and beyond to make others happy.
- When someone close to you feels a feeling, you also feel that feeling.
- You struggle to have fun when your partner is in a bad mood.
- You and your partner do EVERYTHING together.
- You tend to surround yourself or get in romantic relationships with, people who need to be “fixed”.
- You struggle to ask for, or even know, your wants and needs.
- Your relationships are a constant source of stress.
- You don’t trust yourself and can’t make a decision without checking with others.
- You avoid asking for what you need and you often beat around the bush.
Codependency is a very real problem that can occur in romantic relationships and friendships. If any of these signs sound like you, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate your relationships and your own needs. It can be difficult to break a codependent cycle, but it’s possible. With the right support and guidance, you can start to break free from the negative patterns in your life.
If you’re in Colorado and need help identifying or changing your codependent cycle, Knot Counseling can help. Take advantage of our free consultation and we can discuss how we can help.