Are you feeling disconnected in your relationship? Like everything you try only makes it worse? Even though you are doing everything you know how to do, you might be unwillingly sabotaging your marriage. Many people are unaware of their own unconscious behaviors and beliefs that sabotage their relationships. These sabotaging habits can be hard to spot, but they can be easily addressed and changed.
You hit the honeymoon phase and then just…stayed there.
When you were first dating, you wanted to be together constantly, and you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. But over time, the honeymoon phase will grow old. You won’t be able to find the same happiness the way you use to. You’ll stop feeling the same spark and excitement in your relationship. You might even start to resent each other because you’re bored with your day-to-day life together. And even though you’re together all the time, you may find that you’re growing apart as individuals instead of growing together.
You’re letting the little things fester.
Your marriage is only going to last if can work through conflicts and grow your together. You need to be able to open up, discuss what’s bothering you and work through it. When you don’t say anything, small problems can grow into big ones that may have been easy to solve otherwise. If a small issue has been nagging at you for some time, it’s time to bring it up with your partner.
You live in fear of abandonment.
When you’re living in fear of abandonment, you’re loving your partner from a place of fear instead of from a place of love. You’re worried that if you don’t do everything right, your partner will leave you. You may act needy, clingy, and insecure because of this fear, which can push away the very person who loves you most.
You’re constantly expecting your partner to mess up.
If you’re constantly expecting your partner to mess up, then you’re going to constantly see all the ways they mess up. They’re going to feel like they’re always under scrutiny. And that means they aren’t going to be as open with their emotions or actions around you—because why would they? If someone is constantly doubting us, we naturally become guarded and protective of ourselves in return.
You find fault in your partner’s every action and word, even when there is none to find.
When you are in a relationship with someone, it’s natural to have disagreements. But if you find fault in your partner’s every action and word, even when there is none to find, it’s a sure sign that you’re not truly happy and confident in the relationship. If you’re constantly finding fault in your partner, they’re going to feel invalidated by your words and actions. And that will make them want to pull away from you even more—which only makes things worse.
You don’t take responsibility for anything you do wrong, or for anything that goes wrong in the relationship.
When you don’t take responsibilities for your mistakes, it’s hard for your partner to trust you. And when they don’t trust you, it makes it harder for them to be open and vulnerable with you. It makes it harder for them to take their own accountability because they’re tired of being of the only one that’s wrong.
You show your partner love using YOUR love language instead of their love language.
You’re doing everything you can to communicate love…the way that YOU like it communicated. But what if this isn’t your partner’s language?Maybe the way that you express love doesn’t make your partner feel loved? What if it’s the complete opposite of what they need from you? This is where things get tricky. Relationships don’t work when we’re only speaking one language and our partners are only speaking their own.
You’re so focused on what is going wrong with your marriage, you lose sight of all the positive aspects of it.
The key to a successful marriage is to focus on what’s working, not what isn’t. If you’re constantly worrying about all the things that are going wrong in your relationship, you lose sight of all the good things that exist between you and your partner.
You don’t give each other emotional space.
You want more emotional intimacy in your relationship, but you shut it down with criticism and judgment every time it shows up. You can’t have a strong emotional connection with someone who’s always talking over you or missing the signs of connection.
If you’re sabotaging your marriage…
If you’re sabotaging your marriage, the first step is to be aware of it. Once you realize what you’re doing, you can start to make changes that will help bring your relationship back into balance. If you’re feeling stuck, there are plenty of resources out there to help. A couples therapist or marriage counselor can provide valuable insight and guidance as you work on repairing your relationship.