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The Truth About Foreplay

Emotional Connection is the real foreplay

When the subject of foreplay comes up, most people think of kissing, cuddling, and other sensual forms of contact that happen leading up to sex. But the truth is that foreplay occurs long before the first kiss. Here’s what you need to know about foreplay and why it’s vital to a healthy sex life in your relationship.

What is Foreplay?

Usually thought of as the stuff that happens before sex, but foreplay is actually much more than that. It’s not just a few minutes to get each other aroused; it’s time spent exploring, pleasuring, and expressing love…outside of the bedroom. Foreplay, the REAL foreplay, is all about the emotional connection between two people.

An emotional connection is a bond between two people that involves admiration, respect, love, and affection. It’s about intimacy and communication. It’s about trust, appreciation, and acceptance for each other as individuals. And it’s about learning to love one another for who they are…not just what they do.

Foreplay is not just something you do before sex; it’s an essential part of any relationship that involves love, affection, and intimacy. Foreplay can be physical or emotional or both. It can be as simple as a kiss on your partner’s cheek or a massage. It can be going out to dinner together or cooking dinner at home for each other. It can be snuggling up on the couch to watch a movie together or taking in a concert at your favorite venue.

Foreplay moments are life events that make both partners feel loved, appreciated and cared for. This makes people want to be closer. It makes couples feel safe and valued so that their desire to have comes naturally.

Here are some of my favorite ways to build emotional connection:


Being proud of your partner can not only give them an ego boost but also helps them believe that you’re into them. Bragging about your partner feel attractive and desired, which in turn increases the emotional connection people have with each other. The more connected they are to their partners, the more likely they will enjoy sex and want it often.

Doing Chores
Helping out around the house but spending a little bit of time cleaning, washing dishes, and organizing closets is a great way to bond, emotionally connect, and to show your partner that you care. Doing chores around the house is not only a nice gesture, it’s also a fun way to spend time together and take pride in something that you can both enjoy.

Alternatively, if one person is left doing all the chores, resentment starts to build and that person is stressed out with having to get everything done. Stress and resentment are guaranteed foreplay killers!


Having fun together and a good laugh is an excellent way to increase your emotional connection. Studies show that laughing decreases a person’s stress hormones and increases their love and feel-good hormones and thus can be a great way to increase your emotional connection. So, if you’re looking for some sexy time, creating a lighthearted mood can be great foreplay.

Cook Dinner

Cooking dinner for your significant other is another great way to show them that you care. Even if you don’t normally cook, cooking dinner for them shows that you were thinking about them and went out of your way to prepare something special just for them!

In marriage counseling, I once worked with a couple who hadn’t had sex in years. In one of their session they were excited to tell me that they had had sex on Saturday. “What led to you having sex on Saturday?” I asked. “He cooked me dinner on Tuesday.” she said.


Be Curious

Showing interest in your partner, beyond “How was your day?” let’s your partner know that you’re into them and genuienly want to know more about them. And when they feel secure and connected to you, they’ll be more open to connecting physically. So ask questions about their job or hobbies, or just ask how their day is going. You might even make a point of complimenting them on something unrelated to sex—that way it doesn’t seem like a come-on.


Relationship Problems?

Everyone has relationship struggles, but emotional disconnection can easily grow into a much bigger problem if it isn’t resolved. If you’re struggling with emotional connection and it feels like the gap between you and your partner is only getting bigger, reach out for support.

Knot Counseling specializes in marriage therapy and also offers affordable relationship counseling. Call us today for a free consultation.


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