Couples are known to have a lot of ups and downs. But if you’re going to be on a roller coaster, it should at least be fun, right? With that in mind, check out this list of thought-provoking questions to get your relationship on track! These questions are intended to get you talking about important topics like finance, sex life, in-laws, and communication — without any awkwardness or embarrassment! The goal is not only to spark meaningful conversations but also to help you solve common problems that couples experience in their relationships.
(1) What are we most grateful for in our relationship?
It’s common for couples to take each other for granted, and it can be difficult at times to express gratitude. One study even found that spending quality time together was ranked last out of 12 possible activities by those surveyed (in contrast, most respondents said they would prefer doing household chores or shopping with their partner). Still, it’s important to remember what you appreciate about your relationship from time to time, so spend some time today writing down what you are most grateful for in your relationship.
(2) Is our relationship headed in the right direction?
Relationships are not one-sided streets; they take effort from both parties. It’s important to evaluate your relationship regularly and ask yourself a few key questions: Am I still in love with my partner? Is he or she treating me well? What am I no longer excited about in our relationship? Have we become two individuals living under one roof rather than partners in life?
(3) How can we approach each other when we’re upset?
Couples in a relationship need to understand that now and then, you may get upset with your partner. That’s completely normal, as long as both parties talk about it in a constructive way. Discuss what steps you can take when you feel hurt or disrespected by your partner. Remember, communication is key! Not all fights have to end up in a horrible argument if couples are willing to discuss how things can be resolved immediately.
(4) Are you meeting each other’s needs?
Write a list of you and your significant other’s needs, then exchange it. Talk about how you each prioritize those needs. On a scale from 1 (not important) to 10 (essential), how does your partner rate each need? How do you? What items are a priority for you that aren’t priorities for your partner? And vice versa? Is there anything on here that isn’t essential but would be nice if it happened more often?
(5) How can we be better communicators?
Talking about things openly and directly is a great way to ensure that couples understand where each other are coming from and vice versa. Ask each other open-ended questions—questions that cannot be answered with a simple yes or no. For example, you might ask, What can I do better? or How did you feel when I said X? Always make sure to take turns answering your questions, so you can both get an idea of what he or she is thinking.
(6) What is our biggest concern about moving forward together?
This is a great question that can help both parties in a relationship identify and address potential concerns. In some cases, partners may not be aware of their fears, which are preventing them from moving forward; addressing these fears can get them back into action. Be sure you don’t spend too much time dwelling on any single concern or fear—let it surface, then move on. You should have fun with this process!
Where do we see ourselves in five years?
In a recent study, only 28% of couples were still together after five years, so it’s important you discuss your long-term future together. Couples can ask each other these questions: Where do you see yourselves in five years? Do you want kids? What is your career going to look like? If you don’t know what each other wants from life and your relationship, it may be that it’s time for a change. To avoid being one of those statistics—set some goals for yourself and your partner.
How can we be more supportive of each other?
Start by asking yourself what you can do more of in your relationship. Is there a tendency for you to let work stress come home with you? Or is there something that your partner needs from you at the end of a day but doesn’t receive it? Are you spending enough quality time together, and are there things that are slowing down your efforts? Answering these questions will help get both of your heads around how each other feels and what’s going right or wrong. Then try putting pen to paper — literally! — and write down some ways you could give your significant other a little extra love. Send one another supportive notes throughout the week or plan short dates even if they don’t feel like fun.
What, if anything, needs to change for us to live happily ever after together?
This question invites your partner to be completely honest with you. And, it gives you insight into what is most important in your relationship. If your partner hesitates to answer or becomes defensive at all, it might be a sign that there are problems in your relationship that need attention. Before taking any drastic action, discuss these issues openly and honestly with one another. Be sure to discuss both positive and negative aspects of your marriage so that you can create a happy future together.
If you’re hitting some rough patches that this doesn’t solve, I’d like to invite you to reach out to one of our Lakewood, Colorado couple’s counselors or marriage therapists. We offer both in-person couples counseling and telehealth marriage therapy sessions. Reach out at (720) 583-5668 to schedule a free consultation and learn more about the couples counseling process. Not in Colorado, stay tuned for our upcoming Couple’s Communication Course and Relationship Workshop.