Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. Here are 10 relationship do’s and don’ts.

RELATIONSHIP DO’S FOR MEN

1. Just listen to your partner without offering advice. I know you want to fix things, so I’ll offer you this…listening isfixing.
2. Trust and respect her.
3. Treat her as an equal partner in your relationship.
4. Stay and support her when she gets emotional. She is looking for understanding, not solutions.
5. Continue your courtship even after she commits to you. Continue to create romance in your relationship.
6. Do little things on a regular basis. A woman doesn’t care if you call her at work to say, I love you or if you buy a new TV for the living room. The small things are worth just as much as the big ones.
7. Honor any agreements you have made with her.
8. Encourage her goals and direction.
9. Find out what your partner would like to do and then do it with her.
10. Say, I’m sorry when you’ve done something you regret or that was hurtful to your partner, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

RELATIONSHIP DON’TS FOR MEN

1. Go to bed angry with your partner.
2. Try to offer advice or solutions when your partner just needs you to listen to her without comment.
3. Pretend to listen to her when you really aren’t.
4. Shut your partner out when you need to sort things out in your head. Just explain you need space, you aren’t angry with your partner, and that you’ll be back.
5. Criticize your partner, especially her appearance.
6. Yell at your partner as if you were her father.
7. Take every word she says literally. When upset, people tend to speak in absolutes, such as You NEVER listen to me; when what she really means is that you aren’t listening to her at that time.
8. Allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship.
9. Violate her privacy.
10. Forget special occasions.

Men and women often have different communication styles, different needs and desires, and different relationship challenges. Learning these differences can assist us in strengthening the relationships we have now and in the future.

RELATIONSHIP DO’S FOR WOMEN

1. When you want more quality time with your partner, make the time you do have as positive as possible.
2. Trust and respect him.
3. Stop nagging. Ask for a timeline if you’re tired of a waiting.
4. Allow your partner time away from you without giving him the third degree.
5. Appreciate the little things he does for you and tell him so.
6. Most men have “touch” listed as their top love language. Show affection and don’t be afraid to initiate sex.
7. Honor any agreements you have made with him.
8. Support his goals and direction.
9. Instead of complaining, ask for what you want! (Believe it or not, no matter how much he loves you, he really can’t read your mind.)
10. Ask for more information if he isn’t telling you enough. Sit silently while he organizes his thoughts.

RELATIONSHIP DON’TS FOR WOMEN

1. Go to bed angry with your partner.
2. Insist he always shares his feelings with you. Talking about feelings is easier for some than others. Encourage him, but don’t force him.
3. Attempt to converse with your partner during a good movie or sporting event.
4. Let your relationship build when you feel like the relationship is lopsided.
5. Criticize him or put him down.
6. Scold your partner as if he were a child.
7. Use sex as a prize for good behavior or withhold sex as punishment for “bad” behavior.
8. Compare him to others as proof that he’s lacking.
9. Violate his privacy.
10. Try to change him. Appreciate who he is, as he is and he likely become more of what you want.

There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that our parents never showed us. Don’t become one of the statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regrets about your life as the time ticks away. Are there any other relationship do’s or don’ts you want to add to the list?

I have one!

Go to couples counseling. Marriage counseling, which isn’t just for married couples, isn’t just for broken relationships. Any relationship can benefit from couples counseling so that you can get closer, have more fun and better your communication.

Knot Counseling specializes in relationships in Colorado. Call us today. We’d love to help.