Are you feeling disconnected in your relationship? Maybe it feels stale and just kind of, blah. The majority of the couples I see for couples counseling are so busy, they’re like ships passing in the night. In the rare moments they do have a second to talk in between kids, jobs, dinner time, and all the other distractions, they often find that they don’t have anything to talk about.
This easy weekly ritual is a fast way to stay connected to the things that matter most in your relationship. With only 4 words, you can validate each other, show appreciation, connect, take accountability, and get used to using your voice to ask for what you need. Just think of the difference this will make in your relationship.
You only need 15-30 minutes. Set up a time every week to sit down and share your response to these prompts. I recommend setting an alarm on your phone in order to make it a priority. If one of you is out-of-town, meet by phone. If you’re too busy one week, keep a shared notebook. The point is, this is an easy way to connect with your partner…don’t skip it! To make this a relationship habit, you must practice it on a regular basis.
PROMPTS FOR THE WEEKLY RELATIONSHIP HABIT
1. RECEIVED
What have you received from either your partner OR your relationship in the last week? Maybe it’s something tangible, like a note. Perhaps it was a gesture. Or maybe your partner offered you love or emotional safety in some way.
2. GIVEN
What have you given to your partner OR relationship this week? Did you commit to something? Give your time? Listen? Maybe you organized something or picked up some slack.
3. CAUSED
What problems/concerns/struggles have you caused to the relationship OR your partner this week? Maybe you caused disconnection or hurt feelings. This week I asked my partner to go to an out-of-town funeral. This caused a lot of stress and chaos to our schedules as we hadn’t anticipated being gone.
4. NEED
What do you need from your relationship this week? Maybe you want time for yourself or you’d like to be acknowledged for something. Maybe you want quality time with your partner, or you’d like your partner to cook dinner once this week. Whatever it is, list it out. It might not be possible, but it’s still important to voice it.
And that’s it! 4 prompts, every week for the most powerful relationship habit you can do.
Well…maybe there are a few RULES you should keep in mind to make sure this runs this smoothly and helps your relationship.
- If you’re listening to your partner’s prompts, do just that…LISTEN.
- Don’t point out what your partner might’ve missed. This is your partner’s experience of their week…not yours. So, even if you bought them a brand new car, and they forgot to mention in during the “Received prompt”, that’s ok. Let it go.
- You don’t have to agree with how your partner answers.
So, do me a favor, especially if you’re on the verge of calling a marriage counselor…but even if you’re not…give me 12 weeks of using this weekly ritual. If you aren’t able to do anything else, just do this. Use this time to get curious about your partner and grow your relationship.
If you’re struggling with relationship and this weekly relationship habit isn’t enough, learn if marriage counseling is right for you. Knot Counseling in Lakewood, Colorado specializes in couples counseling and helps couples get to the deeper issues often found in most relationship struggles.
Call us for a FREE CONSULTATION!
